We all have them, disappointments, failures. They come in all shapes and sizes. From early childhood and being disappointed at Christmastime or perhaps a Birthday, to adulthood.
As a little girl, my only dream/daydream was to grow up, get married and have a family. And although a little young, that's exactly what I did, I married and we had a family.
Our children grew up, deaths occured, then, after 38 years, divorce. I want to say that all my accomplishments went right down the tubes. But, when I stop and think about it, I can't say that. We raised 3 wonderful children, and almost a 4th together. None of them caused us any severe grief, they were good children, still are. And my husband and I each taught the other one some very important things throughout the years. So, I can't say that nothing was accomplished during my marriage. However, I can say my divorce was a disappointment, and I encountered failure. Just goes to show, no matter how safe you think you are, nobody is 'exempt'.
Since I married so young, I did not have a complete education. I suffer today because of that. I ask myself if I would change this if I could do it over. No, probably not. Because that would alter other courses, and I wouldn't want to do that. However, not having a proper education and not having set goals for myself doesn't leave me many stepping stones to cross the creek. Therefore, I must endure the disappointment that comes from not having that education.
I've had nothing but obstacles since my divorce. Everything from difficulty finding jobs at my age, a major move and culture shock, to breaking my wrist, to falling down a flight of 14 stairs and getting busted up, to cancer. Many times I have whimped out and said "woe is me" and wanted to throw in the towel.
Since I have no shoulder to lean on, and have no one to help me make decisions, I have coped with things to the best of my ability and tried not to struggle which would only make things worse.
Today I suffered yet another disappointment. Actually one of the worst disappointments since my divorce, a very hurtful one. This time it has to do with a friendship. A multitude of things I suppose. Misunderstanding, disagreement, interpretation. All I know is that it hurts.
I have only modest dreams. I try not to ask for the impossible in this world. So once again, I will try to deal with disappointment in a positive way. Pain is inherent in life. Things change. Sometimes expectations just don't materialize.
I can only pray that the Good Lord sees fit one day to move my stepping stones just a wee bit closer together so that my steps don't have to be so long and hard.
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4 comments:
I really hope some good things start happening in your life soon. If anyone deserves it, you do! You've been through enough already!
I thank our Wonderful God that He has given you the disernment to deal with your problems in a positive way. So many people let lifes struggles and dissappointments get them down. I will not go into the details, and I tell you not to make you feel bad for me, but my childhood was horrible. From physical to emotional abuse and everthing in between. I could have let that get me down and used it to make an excuse to live rebelously and blame everything on my upbringing. Instead I use that to strengthen me and my relationship with my kids and the Lord. I learned alot about what hurts a child and with that knowledge I can be a much better father than mine ever was. I know what alcohol can do to a family and with that knowledge I do not drink ever. We can expect perfect lives where nothing goes wrong, and with that attitude when trouble does arise we get so dissappointed by it we throw in the towel to quickly. I have seen it happen to many people, and they end up living lives that is all about "poor me poor me" and the joy is completely sucked out of them. It's a shame. To have true joy in ones life requires a relationship and faith in Jesus Christ. I know you already know this, thats why you try to look at all trials and tribulations with a positive attitude. We will not be spared trials in our lives, Look at the Son of Gods life, He had many trials from people, temptations from the devil, persecution and even death as an innocent man on a cross. If Jesus went through all this, how are we to expect fairytale lives? The bible tells us that we are to rejoice in trials, to count it a joy even, to suffer for Christ. I thank God you have not been overcome by the pain and dissappointment in your life, that instead you perservered and raised good kids with good morals. You are an example that God will pull His children through no matter what and you are a inspiration to me Karen. Thanks for your honest and heartfelt blog. With love and prayers always.
C.
K and Chros,
I thanked you in 'your' blog for your nice comment K. Now I thank you Chros for your wonderful words about Jesus Christ, and I thank both you and K for your words of encouragement.
Chros, I can tell throughout your posts that you suffered a bad/troubled childhood. And it's also obvious that because of God and faith that you have turned your life around and have chosen the correct path, and are spreading the wonderful word of Gospel.
Unfortunately not everyone can do that. So many times, history repeats itself. A child suffers abuse from a parent, that child abuses 'his' child and so on. But you chose not to do that, so you 'too' are an inspiration Chros.
It's a story for another time, but in short, I lost my mother in 2001, and my baby sister (43) in 2004. I never knew my dad, and was left with one sibling, my brother. I hated God for taking my mother and sister from me. I thought how can you do this to me? I later come to my senses, and have asked God's forgiveness in my animosity towards him. I let my faith in God slip right through my fingers, and I suffered remorse horribly for that.
I look back now, and it's like that "Footprints" poem. He 'was' there for me.
Love and prayers to you and your family K and Chros...
Karen....please forgive me if I am out of place, but I would love to see you give yourself a break.
I sense that you are harder on yourself than anyone else would ever think about being.
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